ART AND BEER FESTIVAL

Yesterday I spent the whole morning in bed, well in bed on the net in my room. Nothing conny about it, I was watching and reading KONY2012 related documents and documentaries. Well, that CONNY and KONY vibe is from some guys trying to get famous by defaming a proud dad by the name Jason Russell aka Baba Gavin. What I mean is, the word conny does not rhyme with te word Kony. The first is an English world, the second is an Afrikan name meaning help,and its not pronounced like conny, its just kony!!

What the heaven was that about?

                                                 Me and Justine at Art and Beer Festival

Anyway, after all that I decided to go for Art and Beer Festival. In my mind I knew that such a big sounding event at a nice place in the leafy suburbs where drivers are forced to ´DRIVE SLOWLY because HORSES HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY´, and the season ticket going for two thousand bob, there had to be at least a complimentary mug of beer because my friends The Big 5 Breweries were also sponsoring.

Shock on me, nearing the gate there was a really drunk young man literally crying as he asked the arriving drivers to pass fast so he could leave the parking; I just hope he hd a designated driver. And I digress. Anyway, there was a uniformed and nosey security guy who insisted on speaking to me in English despite my multiple atempts to speak in Sawahili. He inspected my bag, asked for my ticket, then was still trying to see what was in my bag as I paid, mind yo own bizness maa…ffffriend! I get into the venue and there are no people. A few white folks are the the beer tent, no one at the food tent, the music is playing but there is no dj! So I decide to check out the exhibitions and I don’t see anything ineresting. There was a tattoo shop selling some gothic jewellery from China. I was gonna walk into more tents but I realised all those bored exhibitors were all looking at me as if I was an exhibition myself. But I understand, they lacked something to do, and I hated it! So I decided to go back to Club Volar for a nice cold drink…then I saw this guy wearing golden shinny tights like LMFAO in that video of theirs! You could almost see his balls, and I thought, wow,you need balls to show your balls in public like that.

 

Cranium Ink showing what they got

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to CRANIUM INK. This is a new name in Kenyan art scene doing really cool photography and designs. Its whats going to take Kenya there after BlackBird Jeans. CRANIUM INK is made up of a duo, a really cool duo and a really hot PR Manager that I first met some 3years ago when I had crushed her brothers graduation party.

                                                   Some of the CRANIUM INK designs

 

Darkness came fast and engulfed the whole place and slowly people started trickling in. There was a wannabe dj keeping it down by now and the place started looking like a party, you know wha im sayin´? Me and my people were now having drinks when some guy came on stage and introduced some guys called WASHAMBA WENZA. Kusema kweli mahakama, these three guys are really good rappers. Wearing brown side pocket shorts, they looked cool. Cooler than the Naijjo brother who was wearing Capri pants! The only crime and the only thing that related to their name was this…holding their crouches as they walked across the stage. That thing is too thousand and dead, I mean,which rappers still do that? If you ask me that is shaggs not swagg, Washamba Wenza!

                                          Washamba Wenza holding it down, literally!

 

The people here were getting boring despite the dj´s effort to keep people on their feet. So me and my entourage of very beautiful ladies decided to bring it down. We danced until we got stitches then bowed out after a very good dancehall performance from some guy from Athi River.

I even had a solo

We did some moon walk too

 On my way to the gate, I saw these people minding their business and I thought id share.

Then there were these cars, among others but I only captured what I liked.

And this house that you can tell me what you think about

                                                        Then i went to another party!

KENYANS ARE RACISTS AND INFERIOR

IF YOU WANT TO GET FAST AND FIRST SERVICE ANYWHERE IN KENYA, POTRAY YOURSELF AS RICH AND MORE POWERFUL.  That’s a rule that even the most defiant folks in Kenya know,especially in the larger towns. It’s a battle ground and people fight both physically and mentaly because the law is a pyramid that applies less only to the few and powerful on the top and more to the many and weak on the bottom. Thats the unwritten interpretation and only rebels like me don’t give a dung about it and would show the middle toe to anyone that bows to such.

Take the following examples of my personal stories that im sure you have your own versions of, or have heard from someone else.

Being a citizen of the world, I consider myself a good neigbour by having friends from all parts of the world. I welcome them home and take them to see my beatiful country. My friends come from all walks of life. So I take them to all manner of places: From places of worship to brothels. Cheap ones in River Road to extravagant ones in leafy subarbs. So this one night, I wanted to thrill my friends by doing what young Nairobians do-CLUB HOPPING. So after SkyLux, we went to Changes then to Rezorus where the bouncers pushed me down the staircase because I was only 21 when the permitted age limit was 24. They told me to pave way for customers, who were actually my mzungu friends lining behind me. Realising that I was leaving with them, the bouncers came begging me to just get in, I called them bloody f****n racists and took my guests to Havannah!

Another incident was at BREW BISTROW . This partucular night, my enturage comprrised a 17 year old white girl and her older relatives. The bouncer let her in, but said I was too young to get in, realising I was with them, I was let in, in a huff. We left soon after and the Bavarians didn’t like the incident just like the beer.

Yesterday I decided to take some friends up to the helipad on top of the KICC. We had passed by Tuskeys and one of my friends had bought a knife, a decent sized shinny knife with black plastic handle. The security guys with their metal detectors didn’t detect anyting metalic or dangerous in her bag. We proceeded to the main entrance to the second tallest building in the country that also hosts a whole ministerial office. At the door, there was one of those huge security machines that swallows your bag then vommits it again on the other side. My mzungu friend put her bag with the knife and it got safely swallowed and she picked it on the other side. I put mine wich had just clothes, drumsticks, a shaker and a harmonica and it went through without making any of that irritating noise it makes. However; the mean BM SECURITY LADY insisted on manually inspecting my bag again, just because im Kenya! I complied and she stirred my belongings in the bag as the mzungu ladies waited for me. She finished and we took the knife with us past a few other security checks to the top of the city! So next time you hear that a bomb was planted or a businessman shot at the Intercontinental lobby from the top of KICC, just know that a non black person safely and unsuspectedly took the gun there as the security personel watched.

In January, I was in Lake Nakuru National Park and I decided to stop for a cold drink at Lake Nakuru Lodge. It was lunch time when I got there and I was walking behind some French speaking black guys. As they got into the buffet area, there was a man chanting jambo! Jambo! to everyone that came in. As he said jambo to me, I said jambo sana, mambo vipi? Believe me you, I was pulled aside and asked for my room number! I protested and ended up cudddliing my cold bottle at the pool with an an old Chinese couple.

When I turned 18, I wanted an ID and the nearest place of application was the District Comissioner´s office in Kibera. Aware of the long qeues and being so streetwise, I decided to go on the first of January when people are still cleaning their holiday mess. But even on that day, I got quite a crowd. The crowd comprised some of middle class citizens with cars and so feel like the poor folks are after their blood; they drove their very young adult children to apply for their Ids. Then there were humble folks that had lost theirs on drinking sprees or mugging attacks, then there were people like me, young independent citizens that wanted to get a hold of that thing and face the world! I think you already know what happened but I will tell you either way. The driving guys got served almost entirely first and swiftly, followed by me probably because I didn’t look like I came from the slums around there, and maybe because I had spoken English to the receptionist seated under a tree.

Its not right that we are racists and its extremely sad that we are discriminating against our own. We must learn to see ourselves as equal, or even better than them in order gain respect and even to succeed. I know some people mistreat locals trying to impress the foreigners because they think that that way they attract something nice. The truth is, you attract shame on yourself and your country and you repel that same gift you think you are attracting.

And to those rude security guys who ravage through my bags, better learn how to use those machines now because im devicing a disciplinary machine that will splash some acid in your shameless eyes and you will not see for some time if not for the rest of your lives.

IM OUT!

KONY 2012 MY FOOT!

I call it my foot because I got two of them, a right one and a left one.
This film spreading faster than bush fire and faster than Kony combined is just like that, and I will tell you why.

The film was made by a guy called Jason Russell who graduated from El Cajon's Valhalla High and the film school at the University of Southern California in 2002. He first came to Kenya in 2002 where and when he got his so called transformation (maybe to hate).








The film starts with a very good introduction that does not relate with the film´s title, followed by Jason showing off his son Gavin to the world. Its good to be proud of what you have, so congratulations Jason for having such a bouncing baby boy. The boy grows fast and he is smart as its evident from the correct answers he gives when asked questions. He also makes movies! The first mistake Jason does is referring to Uganda as being in central Africa. Dude, Mr. Save The Children in Africa, who taught you geography? Uganda is in East Africa together with Kenya and Tanzania, ok?

The film is about the war for  freedom that has been going on in Uganda since the chosen ones brought us bullets hidden within the pages of the bible. Those who care know that Uganda, just like all African countries fought and is still fighting for freedom today. And just like all those other countries, within the true citizens there are always those working for the enemy. In Kenya we had the likes of Nabongo Mumia and Lenana who were made paramount chiefs as rewards for helping the colonial masters brutalise the native people. These type of people are still in our midst and some of them have risen to prominent positions of heading their countries.

To hit the nail on the head, Uganda has a history of deposing its leaders for selfish reasons. The current president came to power after a series of battles that saw him overthrow a tyrant that had also deposed another…and the list goes back 6 steps each one with a deposed president! The current leader has brought the country to very reasonable stability but has a lot of traces of the old tyrants that came before him. He for instance banned all other political parties only until 2005. That’s when some of the political exiles like Dr. Kizza Besigye came back home. Noticing that he was bound for retirement, the incumbent president changed the constitution to allow him continue in active politics and has remained president since January 26th 1986 to date.

Back to the film, Jason only talks about Joseph Kony and he doesn’t say anything about The Lord´s Resistance Army (LRA). He only says how bad Kony is and how he makes children kill their mothers. Jason is inciting white ignorant kids to believe that Africa is nothing but a huge jungle of war, hell n earth! He is filling his own son with hate, telling him that Kony is the bad guy. The film does not talk about the formation of the LRA and what its about. This is because he (Jason Russell) probably has no clue and secondly because he is a selfish filmaker trying to ``make a better life`` for his son and he is spreading hate to do it.

It’s a good thing to fight for rights and save souls but whats the plan after that? Why cant Jason make homes for thousands of homeless children in the streets before going to comb Congo forest for Kony? Further more, all the politicians interviewed in the film are supporters of the current regime. They are talking of justice when there has never been justice in Uganda, as a matter of fact, having only one party speak about a national concern is injustice in iteslf! I think Jason Russell is  being used, or rather using himself as an instrument of spreading hate. If you ask me, Jason Russell is committing exactly the same crime as Joesph Kony by engaging his son in the fight against Kony!

As we speak, the US army is already on the ground, hunting for Kony, to kill him. So I can tell the people of America that their taxes are already doing something. So there is no need of anyone giving their hard earned money to any organisations to do what the US government is already doing. They already killed Osama and Gaddafi without wasting resources and promoting global warming by making posters and all manner of hooliganism, so all that KONY 2012 hoopla is non sense.

In my opinion, Joseph Kony together with Kizza Besigye are the last of a dying breed. The very last of true freedom fighters. Im my eyes they are heroes who are facing the giant alone because no one else would join them because of religion that has turned the people of Uganda into a toothless lion and the fear of the consequences.

AND THAT’S HOW THE ROCKTOPUS SEES IT.